It was my first coaching session with Sian. Her CEO had specifically asked me if I could meet with Sian face-to-face even though I typically run my coaching sessions virtually for his other leaders. 

Of course, I’d agreed. We’d found a time that I knew I would be in the city and Sian had booked a meeting room. 

Even just walking from the main reception, Sian was oozing defensiveness. 

“I was told I need coaching”, she said. 

Clearly no time for small talk. 

“What can you tell me to give me a bit more context?”, I asked once we had sat down and closed the door. 

“Jordan [the CEO] has received some negative feedback from the team I’m looking after”, Sian replied. “He says that apparently I’m not really well liked”. 

“How does that make you feel?”, I asked, hoping she would share more. 

“I know I can piss people off just by turning up at work”, she continued. “It doesn’t faze me. Anyway, even though I’m only acting in this role, I’ve told my subordinates that if they can’t deal with the fact that I’m in charge, they can leave and I’ll find staff members who’ll do what they’re told to do. I will prevail”. 

This is exactly what she said. I’d written it all down. I’d even underlined the words “I will prevail” in my notebook. 

“So, what are you going to coach me in?”, she asked. 

Where exactly would I start? I had to think about this very carefully. 

“Language choice is a fundamental aspect of leadership that can significantly impact how team members perceive and relate to their leader”, I said. 

The words a leader chooses can convey respect or disrespect towards their team members

I then explained to Sian that using language that acknowledges the expertise, contributions, and individuality of team members demonstrates respect and fosters positive relationships. Conversely, disrespectful or demeaning language such as referring to team members as ‘subordinates’, telling them you’re ‘in charge’, and ‘to do what they’re told’, and that [you] ‘will prevail’ can erode trust, morale, and loyalty within the team. 

She reiterated that she’s ‘only’ acting in the role and that she therefore didn’t feel she needed to bother about fostering positive relationships. 

It turns out that she’d only been acting in the role for a month, but that she was due to be in the role for at least another five months (maybe more), so I decided to stick to my agenda as I felt her point was a mute one. 

Understanding the profound impact of language on team dynamics is not just advisable – it’s imperative  

As a leader, your choice of words can make or break the respect you command in the workplace. By valuing and appreciating the contributions of your team members, you can foster a sense of dignity and worth among those around you. 

At its core, effective leadership is built on a foundation of trust and rapport with team members (a far more respectful term than ‘subordinates’). While actions speak volumes, it’s often the words we choose that leave a lasting impression on those we lead. Language therefore serves as the primary conduit through which leaders convey their intentions, values, and expectations, shaping perceptions and interactions within the team. 

Although Sian appeared to have become even more defensive (in terms of her non-verbal behaviour), I calmly reinforced that when a leader prioritises respectful language, they can create a culture of dignity and mutual respect within their teams. 

Respect is not merely a lofty ideal – it’s a non-negotiable cornerstone of effective leadership

Leaders who wield language with finesse understand the importance of empathy in their communication. By expressing empathy as opposed to making harsh statements like, “[you] can leave and I’ll find staff members who’ll do what they’re told to do. I will prevail”, leaders affirm the humanity of their team members, fostering deeper connections, positive relationships, and higher levels of morale and engagement. 

My goal during the session with Sian was to highlight just how much language choice in leadership can influence motivation and inspiration by providing positive reinforcement, articulating a compelling vision, setting challenging goals, fostering confidence and self-efficacy, and creating a positive culture. 

Leaders who use motivational language effectively inspire and energise their team members, driving engagement, commitment, and performance towards shared goals and objectives.

Storytelling also emerges as a tool in the arsenal of inspirational leaders. This is something we have shared in a previous article. Whether it’s through celebrating resilience, triumph over adversity, or collective achievements, storytelling has the power to propel teams to take action. Through narratives that resonate with shared experiences and values, leaders are able to captivate the hearts and minds of their team members, instilling a sense of purpose and belonging. 

Mastering the art of language in leadership is both a skill and a responsibility

To be completely honest, I knew I wouldn’t be meeting with Sian again. That would ultimately be my choice, not hers. Over the many years I have been doing what I do, I have learned that, even in spite of my greatest efforts, some people are simply not coachable. Even so, as we approached the end of our session, I reiterated to Sian that her words are a direct reflection of her values and character as a leader. 

Every word matters. As a leader, please be mindful of the language you use, ensuring that it aligns with your values and fosters a culture of respect, inclusivity, and motivation. 

The language you use is not just a means of communication. It’s a power tool that shapes perceptions, influences behaviours, and defines your leadership legacy. 

Remember, Hellomonday provides coaching and support to every leader, prioritising development initiatives that result in long-term sustained learning and change, reinforcing habits through curated learning and impactful coaching, and ideally helping leaders foster a culture of mutual respect and inclusivity through their choice of language.